Tomorrow, i am 40.
That is what all this fuss is about.
I am so relieved to be passing through, what feels like a gateway of sorts.
I am grateful for all the experiences i have had. They have built me into the person i am today. And i think i am a pretty good person as it happens.
This is what '40' has done for me. I am unapologetically happy with who i am.
I feel i have now earned the right to a few things i have waited so long for:
- to stop hurting about the past
- to stop apologising for who i am
- to stop trying to be 'better'
- to accept that i am loved and to return that love tenfold.
I am a Strong woman - strong physically, strong in integrity and character and opinion!
I care about my life - i care about me... for the first time EVER! I care about who i am and what i have to offer. It makes me teary in a way but i have stopped grieving for that young lady who hated herself so much. I have often wished i could go back to the younger me - as i am now - and tell her... "You are more than enough"
But i am 40! and i am now leaving that in my past and giving thanks to the fact that i am here. Because there have been so many occasions i never thought that i would be or that i deserved to be.
So, how did i get to 40? Other than generally reminding myself to breath in and breath out every single second, of every single day?
** L O V E **
If i am to pick one thing that i am most grateful about and the 'thing' that has saved me over and over and over again - it is love.
The greatest gift that i have been given is the utterly unshakeable foundation of a family who love me.
No. Matter. What.
My family and my closest friends are who define me completely.
Because we are all Fuck-Ups, in our own ways and at different times.
None of us are perfect and we all make stupid mistakes.
It's just that, when you are in a Team... it's easier to tidy up. It's easier to see those mistakes and then go back and try fixing them. Because having people on MY SIDE is what gives me my true strength.
And when you feel and know that you are loved - it makes you feel brave!!
And that bravery helps me go on and be a better person. A woman with truly good things to share with the rest of the world.
So, yes, 40 really matters to me.
Happy Birthday to me.
Wonderful, Happy, Strong, Loving, Lov-able me!!!!